Hello All,
So, I needed to share my moment of epiphany w/all of you.
When I was younger, I said I was going to be lawyer, or, at the very least, a big wig @ a Fortune 500 company. That was my goal. Nothing more, nothing less.
I used to say, "I'm going to go to college, get my degree, then go to law school, then open up a practice, & if I happen to find a husband & maybe have kids somewhere in between, cool, if not, no biggie! As long as I have my degree(s), my career & my power suit, I'll be completely happy!"
That was the image I sought - the person I aspired to be.
The briefcase, power suit, sideswept bang slicked back ponytail & reading glasses... that was "IT" for me. I wanted to have business meetings, conference calls, & presentations to give/attend.
When I envisioned my life in 10 years, I saw myself calling home to my parents from the corporate jet telling them hello & where I was headed that week & that I was terribly busy but that I'd sent them some grand gift & they should be getting it soon.
Literally, I envisioned myself purchasing a home all on my own - that was sleek & modern & huge. I imagined coming home from work to a "peaceful" (aka deathly quiet) house w/everything in place & working on my laptop for hours on end.
That was my "Dream Life" at the time.
Now, keep in mind that my entire life... My mother (who is, by society's standards, my grandmother - I was raised by my grandparents, but in reality, she is my mother) --- My mom was a stay-at-home mom. And this was the opposite of the glamourous, powerful life I wanted for myself.
Let me try to get you to understand what my life was like growing up...
I would wake up to the smell of breakfast that was already made & clothes that were clean & pressed laid out for me. I would get ready & be sent to school looking good with a full belly. And I'd come home from school or practice & would get to the door & I could smell the kitchen before we opened the door. And then when we did open the door, I could smell the clean-ness. The scent of whatever she used to polish the furniture & clean the floors, the smell of a freshly cleaned bathroom & then I'd open up the door to my room & my bed was made & everything was in place. I'd throw my backpack on the floor, or the bed or wherever it landed, & kick off my shoes in the middle of the room... I'd take off a sock & throw it wherever...
I'd walk to get pj's so I could go shower & throw the other sock somewhere along the way...
Open up the drawer to get my clothes & the scent of freshly washed clothes would hit my nostrils before my eyes could see that every piece was so carefully folded & organized & placed w/such detail & care.
I'd rummage through the drawer finding whatever it is I was wanting to wear that evening - messing up all the work my Mom did in between.
I'd get frustrated b/c I couldn't find what I was looking for, & start taking stuff out & throwing it on the bed, eventually saying, "MOM! Where is....????" She would walk into my room, walk directly to its "proper" place & pick it out & say, "Here you go. It's where it is supposed to go." And walk out.
I'd yell that I was going to take a shower & would be out to have dinner soon.
When I got out of the shower... my clothes had magically made themselves from my bed back into my drawer.
I'd call my Mom asking if she could brush my hair, & she would... so lovingly.
Then I'd go to the kitchen, scarf down whatever delicious dish she prepared for us that day, & toss my dish in the sink, kiss her cheek & say, "Thanks Mom! It was good!" & run to my bedroom & stay there for the rest of the night, half working on homework, half chatting w/friends.
Before I would go to bed for the night, I'd come out of my room & the kitchen was magically clean - spotless - as though no one had eaten a thing.
And I'd grab a glass of milk or juice & some cookies or whatever.
Toss that in the sink, kiss my Mom & tell her goodnight w/o a second thought.
And the next day, I'd do it all again.
Only the next morning, I would be scrambling to find my jersey & uniform for my game that afternoon. My Mom would have everything ready to go. And again, like magic... I didn't go to bed w/my uniform clean, pressed & sitting on my vanity ready for me to put in my gym bag, but when I woke up, it was there. It had magically made its way there sometime throughout the night.
I lived this "magical" life - this SPOILED life - each & every day.
But YET...
When I was at school, during class, when we were asked what our future plans & goals were...
Mine were grand.
And the girls who said they wanted to be a wife & a mother disgusted me.
The girls who said, "I just want to be a stay-at-home mom." I had no respect for & I thought how pitiful they were - to not want to do something better for themselves.
SOOOOOOO....
Fast forward, 8 years later...
Sunday afternoon, & I was lying in my bed, watching my baby sleep as she took her afternoon nap.
I looked around - my life is quite different than what I thought it would be.
Looking up at the ceiling, I snickered at how different my little 2 bedroom/2 bath apartment was from the home I used to dream about when I was younger.
I wasn't calling my parents from a private jet just to say hey, I don't have time, but I'll send ya something nice... I was thinking about where we should go for dinner that day when my daughter woke up from her nap. And... I looked around...
There was a pile of laundry that had been sitting on my floor for 3 days waiting to get done.
There was a pile of CLEAN laundry that was dumped in my daughter's playpen waiting to get folded for 2 days!
And there was a cup of juice I was drinking & an empty yogurt cup that my daughter had for breakfast that morning before we left for church that still hadn't made its way to the sink - even after we had been home from church for about an hour...
I looked down at my baby girl & to my surprise...
I thought to myself, "I'm so happy right now. And I wouldn't trade this life for anything."
Then I looked around again, & to my surprise...
I thought, "I want to be just like my Mom."
Funny, eh?
I spent years not thinking twice about everything my Mom did.
I spent years disregarding all the cooking, cleaning, caretaking & keeping house she did - b/c it wasn't "glamourous" or "powerful" & now... as I grow into the woman I am destined to become...
I truly do just want to be just like her.
Okay, Okay, well maybe not JUST like her.... LOL... but...
I sure do want to be a lot like her.
If I could be half the mom to my daughter that my mother was to me, I'd be happy!
My Mom really is amazing.
You see my Mom was - & still is - the "MAGIC" in our home & in our family. She was the one up early, making sure everyone was fed well, & staying up late after we all went to bed to make sure everything was clean & put away & ready for the next day.
And guess what?
This blows my mind even more...
She never had a hair out of place & always had make-up on!
My Mother never walked out of the house w/o her hair done & combed perfectly, her clothes clean & crisply ironed & her lipstick, mascara & blush perfectly applied - & don't forget her lovely perfume that lingered in your nostrils after she walked by. She has always HAD IT TOGETHER.
Even to this day, she is 62 years old & she STILL wakes up earlier than I do, works so much harder than I do, is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more productive each day than I am, & goes to bed later than I do!
AND LOOKS BETTER THAN ANY OF HER CHILDREN!
Seriously... it is... incredible.
I swear, BOTH my parents must be superheroes! (I'll tell you about my Daddy another day)
And now... 8 years & 1 baby later...
I just want to be like my Mom.
Being a stay-at-home mom is a dream that I would so love to have become reality & actually... quite powerful now that I know exactly what that means.
And if I could do it almost as good as my Mom did... you would be amazed.
Funny how God teaches us lessons as we continue on this journey called life.
This one.... I will cherish. :)
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